The Doctrine of the Goods of Marriage
Summary
- Introduction to the Doctrine of Marriage
- Three Ends of Marriage
- The Goods of Marriage
- Exclusivity and Union
- Protecting the Uniqueness of Marriage
- The Role of Friendship and Intimacy
- Seeking Help and Guidance
Introduction to the Doctrine of Marriage
This conference is connected to the last one but relates more directly to the doctrine of the goods of marriage. Those who have attended our marriage preparation course should be familiar with Casti Connubii by Pope Pius XI, the encyclical on marriage. It covers the three ends of marriage, which are also outlined in canon law and the Catechism of the Council of Trent. The three ends are procreation and education of children, the mutual love and support of spouses, and chastity.
Three Ends of Marriage
God doesn’t just place demands and restrictions on us without providing blessings. He commands, "Be fruitful and multiply." While this is beautiful and meaningful, any parent will agree that having children is challenging. Procreation is a high command and a great responsibility, one meant to populate heaven. In fulfilling this command, we engage in an act of justice, sharing the life God has given us to lead others to Him.
The Goods of Marriage
The three goods of marriage are designed to help us fulfill the ends of marriage. These are known as the proles (bond), unity, and fidelity. The bond includes the intimate physical bond between spouses but isn’t limited to this. Unity involves being together in daily life, working together, and exclusivity in the relationship. Fidelity, the third good, interweaves with the other two. God provides these goods to balance the challenges and sacrifices involved in marriage.
Exclusivity and Union
The good of unity implies exclusivity between a husband and wife. In the Old Testament, some groups tried to keep polygamy alive, but polygamy wasn’t blessed by God. Great kings like David and Solomon faced turmoil because of multiple wives. Marriage is meant to reflect the intimacy and love between the persons of the Trinity. It’s not meant to be a spread proposition. When Christ blessed marriage, He restored it to its original design, which was always intended to be one man and one woman.
Protecting the Uniqueness of Marriage
In our modern world, the proliferation of pornographic materials and semi-pornographic content corrupts the idea of unity and exclusivity in marriage. Modern perspectives on gender equality can sometimes distort the natural differences between men and women, who are equals in nature but distinct in their roles and contributions to marriage. The feminist movement, among others, has blurred these distinctions, causing men and women to misunderstand each other’s roles and qualities, sometimes making them seem incompatible.
The Role of Friendship and Intimacy
Men and women in marriage are supposed to be friends, but friendship between men and women outside marriage should be approached with caution. A husband shouldn’t have close female friends outside of his wife, and the same goes for the wife with male friends. Marriage is the closest unity of souls, and spouses share an intimacy that isn’t meant to be replicated outside of the marriage. Reducing marriage to a "roommate relationship" strips it of its intended intimacy and sanctity.
Seeking Help and Guidance
In marriage, avoid involving others in the intimate details of your relationship, including family, children, or friends. Don’t complain about your spouse to others, especially family. When guidance or advice is needed, seek it from a trustworthy, objective source like a family friend, a couple with an admirable marriage, or a priest. Talking to a counselor or someone removed from the relationship is often the best choice. The bond you share with your spouse is sacred and should remain protected.