The Modern Challenge of Marriage
Summary
- The Church's Teaching on Marriage
- The World’s Attack on Marriage
- Marriage as an Absolute Commitment
- The Conditional Nature of Modern Thinking
- The Role of Lifelong Growth
- Avoiding Compartmentalization
- The Role of Children in Marriage
- Mutual Influence and Responsibility
- Embracing Sacrifice in Marriage
- The Power of Sacrificial Love
The Church's Teaching on Marriage
Throughout my priesthood, it's come blindingly clear to me that the modern world's modern church doesn't. So the modern church does not teach what it should about marriage. Its doctrine is faulty, to say the least. Honestly, it's actually worse than faulty; it's downright problematic. That's on that level. But then also, for people who come to tradition from the modern church, they're often a little confused and don't have some of the correct ideas and correct theology behind those ideas.
The World’s Attack on Marriage
On top of that, we have a modern world that openly, actively, and constantly hates the family, with marriage being the foundation and source of the family. Marriage is under brutal attack—absolutely always. And as much as we may not want it to be so, we are susceptible to the attacks that the modern world throws against us. These may not be the most direct, clear, or obvious attacks, but when you live in an environment, you take on certain characteristics. It's just an instinctive survival. It's not about throwing blame or pointing fingers; it's simply a fact of how we live.
Marriage as an Absolute Commitment
The world we live in hates marriage, and so how we live marriage will often reflect some characteristics of modern thinking. It's inevitable. So it's always good to have a bit of a refresher, to remind ourselves of some things, and to have answers when certain attacks and accusations occur. Marriage is a lifelong commitment—once you are married, that is it. "Until death do you part." Period. This is one of the most important and impactful aspects of marriage that we must consider.
The Conditional Nature of Modern Thinking
There are no conditions you can place upon marriage. In fact, one question we ask people preparing for marriage is, "Are you planning to set any conditions upon this marriage?" This is why the church does not deal in things like prenuptial agreements; you cannot have a conditional marriage. That's an oxymoron; it does not exist. Most of us, however, have some selfish reasons for why we marry, and that is normal.
The Role of Lifelong Growth
Marriage being for life means a married couple has all their lives to remedy whatever imperfections they may have had at the beginning. We need to consider why we married back then compared to why we remain married now. Being married means living in a sacramental state, which continues from the moment of marriage until death. Every instant of every day, every breath we take is permeated with the sacramental grace of marriage.
Avoiding Compartmentalization
Marriage is a state of life; it cannot be compartmentalized. Many try to make marriage a series of compartments: one for kids, one for intimate life, one for friends, and so on. But marriage must be the foundation of every act in our lives while we are married. It affects everything, and everything affects it. While it's okay to focus on kids or spend time with friends, marriage must be at the core of those activities.
The Role of Children in Marriage
Sometimes children become the overwhelming preoccupation of marriage, but that’s not how it’s supposed to be. The marriage is the foundation, the bedrock, and it is essential for the formation of children. Every aspect of our social, spiritual, and personal lives is influenced and guided by the grace that marriage provides. Every action affects the marriage and, in turn, impacts the entire family.
Mutual Influence and Responsibility
One thing to understand is that what one spouse does affects both. It's easy to forget this, as we tend to become abstracted from each other. When married, any action affects the other, whether positive or negative, public or private. This speaks to the amazing strength of the union that God created, one that often sustains and grows despite imperfections and sins.
Embracing Sacrifice in Marriage
The basis of marriage is love, and the basis of love is sacrifice. Without a strong spirit of sacrifice, we cannot have a strong marriage. Sacrifice may require small efforts like holding your tongue, going to Mass, or dealing with your spouse's imperfections. Every action we take affects everyone in the marriage. We must strive to be better spouses and parents and work beyond our natural state.
The Power of Sacrificial Love
The church provides the blessings and graces necessary to overcome our imperfections, but we must understand that these graces work overtime. The stakes are higher; it's not just our soul but the souls of everyone connected to us. Our souls are never alone; they are always connected. Every action affects them, especially the spouse, who is with us for life.